Orientation of the heart

"As for me, I will always have hope;

I will praise You more and more.

My mouth will tell of Your righteous deeds,

of Your saving acts all day long-

though I know not how to relate them all."

~Psalm 71:14-15

I'm officially back home in Arkansas. On Thursday, I'll have been home for a grand total of 3 months. It feels like I've been stateside for much longer than that. To be honest, it has been a huge struggle for me to adjust back to life here, especially where relationships are concerned. But God is still sovereign and He still provides, despite my doubts and disobedient rebellion. I recently got a job as a teller at a local bank in Conway. Part of the job includes going to a week of training in Little Rock, which has allowed me to spend some real quality time with my dad. Suffice it to say that when I think on it, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude and humbled at the love of my Maker who cares so much about the details and relationships in my life. That short paragraph is the update of my life.

Today in teller training, one of the ladies I am training with shouted out "Hallelujah!" near the end of one of our breaks. We all looked at her, half laughing at the suddenness of it, getting caught up in her laughter. She wanted to give testimony, but didn't want to offend anyone who didn't think that God was good, but since He is good, she just had to tell us about how God has provided for her and her family right when she needed it. With only $10 left in her bank (yes, training implies that we have a job, but due to pay periods, we have yet to receive a paycheck) a year old settlement from a car crash finally came in today. God is good.

I keep thinking about psalms that I have read and psalms that I've prayed and psalms that have been stored away in my heart. So many of them claim that the psalmist will speak out about the greatness of the Lord, God's goodness, proclaim His righteousness and faithfulness before the multitudes and in the tabernacle, even going so far as to promise to always praise the Lord because the psalmist truly knows that God is good.

God is good. I know it, too. But how often do I speak up about it? Not very often. Yes, when I'm with like minded friends, I'll open up. And maybe every once in a while when I'm with good friends who don't share my faith, but they know of it and accept it. But to a room of people that I've known for only a short time and about something as personal as finances? I would have tamped down the overflow of gratitude and joy at God's goodness and saved it for later, for a specific audience.

I know that not everyone can open up and share things like that with others. And it's not the actual speaking out that I was so touched by. I think what made this so memorable was the realization that she didn't block the joy that God gave her. Her outburst was from an overflow of a grateful heart.